I have grown up believing that if I quit something, I prove to myself that I was too weak for what I signed myself up for. What made is worse was the guilt I felt from the people who were taking advantage of me. They made me feel like I was the worst person in the entire world for removing them from my daily lives. After multiple events of me quitting something that made me unhappy, I was feeling down on myself that I had given up.
I believe people come into our lives and things are offered to you because it is meant to happen. God is watching us go through these chapters in our lives. It just sometimes takes me a while to realize that some people are only supposed to stay in our life for a short time as a blessing or a lesson.
If only you knew the toxicity I left behind once I removed these different things in my life. I felt relief, but I also felt underlying guilt because I am a people pleaser and want to see others happy. At the end of the day though, I had to do what is best for me (mentally, financially, and emotionally) and realized I wasn't living for myself these past few months.
Tell me I’m not alone... Has anyone felt like this before?
I found this quote I want to share with people who may have gone through the same feelings as me..
"Knowing when to quit, change direction, leave a toxic situation, demand more from life, give up on something that wasn't working and move on. It's an important skill that people who win at life seem to have." - Steven Bartlett
It took me way too long to get out of some situations, but here I am, out of situations. I don't want to look back on the rough times and say, "I should've gotten out way sooner" or "If only I left 2 months ago", because there is no way I can change how I did things. I just want to be proud of myself NOW and tell myself how strong I am for finally getting out of this situation.
Oh wait! .... I'm not done. There is still some toxicity in my life and I am patiently waiting to get this next part of toxicity out of my life. Patience is the key to this part of toxicity, because I can't get away from it for a few more months. This toxicity caused so much anxiety and discomfort through almost all of 2020. Finally in 2021, I can rid it.
We will run into toxicity all through life, we just need to figure out how to conquer it and continue to look at life positively and stay excited for all to come.
A note to myself, I love you. You are brave, strong, and will be so successful through life. I can tell, because you are working hard for yourself to be successful and not settle for anything under what you deserve. You will get through this and so much more. Thank you for loving yourself enough to know when you need to remove the toxicity from your life. And thank you for not pushing away people who truly love you through this hard time through this pandemic. You got to grow so much closer to some and got to remove people who didn't deserve your love.
Cheers to a great 2021 of removing the toxicity and keeping your loved ones closer, including myself.