If you had told me I wouldn't be working for five months, I wouldn't have believed you. If I was told that I wouldn't get to play the role of "Fairy Godmother in Training" for probably the rest of the year, I would have spent a little extra time with my princesses on the last day I worked and I would have hugged each and every one of my coworkers and leaders. It's really hard to grasp the idea that I may not get to be back at the boutique until 2021 (rumors only). If you were wondering, yes, I do feel lost.
This time in our lives will be what we tell our grandchildren about when we are older. Disney has never been closed for long periods of time and I am now a part of this story now.
The worst part is that I truly love my job. I feel like everything will be different when we all return to the boutique, AKA Fairy school. Will we still get to create these magical experiences for kids? Do we decline the kids when they try to hug their Fairy Godmother? So many questions and no answers.
It's funny because for the first two months, it felt like a really nice summer vacation (don't attack me when I say that). Animal Crossing New Horizons came out a few days after I had been put on furlough. In all honesty, Animal Crossing probably had the best sales ever because people wanted to escape the real world and play on this little island. When I tell you I escaped to this little island, I am telling you I spent 500 hours playing this game... Yikes...
Along with this, I also was taking the time to make this feel like a gigantic sleepover with my BFF (best boyfriend). But, after five months, you start to realize that "Hey, the pandemic hasn't ended and I haven't gone back to work..." It started to feel like we lived together because the "one month-two month sleepover" didn't end because the pandemic didn't end.. We needed to start spending a little time a part, because once we do get back to normal routines, we won't see each other as much as we had. It also, of course, is nice to have your own space sometimes and because of my personal fear of the pandemic, I just preferred staying with him 24/7. And to be honest, we both need a little space sometimes (which we didn't really have for probably four months).
Let me tell you though, in a way, I am thankful for how much him and I have grown in our relationship during this pandemic. I believe we are stronger than ever and we can get through anything together. It has also been nice to just know that we can be in the same space for a loonnngg time and be content and happy together (thinking about the future when we truly lliiivveeee tooogeeettthheeerrrr!!!). Being in a small space for so long and being happy together shows us that once we have a bigger space to be in together, it will be even better.
I started getting really bored with myself. When I say that, I mean, the animal crossing video game wasn't what my whole day revolved around and I started to get antsy thinking, "I need to be doing something! What do I do?"
I feel like during this time of the pandemic, I need to be doing something SO meaningful. But, I realize, it's okay to not be doing something that is going to "change the world" right now. We are all in a place of confusion and unsureness. My classes start in two weeks and I will be a full time student. I am still so unsure about if I want to focus 100% of my energy on my classes or if I want to pick up a part time job somewhere. On another hand, I started drawing all day everyday for a few weeks while I picked up a three week babysitting job and spontaneously decided to create Shades of Happy Stickers. On ANOTHER hand, I am kind of thinking about creating a book (more details to come if I EVER follow through with it). On ANOTHER ANOTHER hand, I am wanting to get back into YouTube videos because I love that creative outlet, I just wish I could keep up with it. A side note as well is that I really want to dive deep into fitness again so I feel and live healthier, but I do love my sweets.
So as you can see, I've been all over the place with my thoughts. I've scattered my thoughts everywhere and can't decide what to do. It's almost like I felt like I was doing absolutely nothing, so now I clearly decided to create 1283718934 different creative tasks for me to do. I think I have been feeling so lost with what I am supposed to be doing with this time, that I created so many different doors that lead to what I can do, I am now confused with which door to actually open. I don't know how the rest of year is going to be, but I am thankful for my creative outlets I've created for myself, I am so thankful for my friends I talk to to keep me social, and I am so thankful I've gotten to spend time with my sweet boyfriend of almost two years.
Can't wait to see what is to come in the future.
Taking it one day at a time.