I'm not ready to say goodbye to the magic
So here I am, in this cloud of unknown. It's a tough place to be.
Yesterday, a single email was sent out to all cast members of Disney that they will be laying off thousands of cast members. Although I have endlessly tried to reroute the results in my mind, I can't seem to find a result that doesn't include me being laid off. I am a part time Disney World cast member, whose role is being a Fairy Godmother in Training. As we all know, Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique is closed until further notice. It could be five days from now, two months from now, or a year from now. As much as I wanted to think, "they can't get rid of me! I am trained and ready to perform as a Fairy Godmother in Training! They will want to keep around the fairies because they are already trained and ready to go," I realize that I am very low on the totem pole. Yes, Disney will keep a few fairies furloughed until the Boutique opens so they can work right away, but that doesn't mean we all get to stay.
I am angry at what they did, I have to admit. I am angry they sent out an email to just let us know they would be laying cast members off. I understand they wanted to warn cast members that there was a possibility they would be laid off, but why couldn't they have told us then and there who was let go? Now, we are in this waiting period where anything we do, in the back of our minds, we are thinking about our future and our job status. A lot is at stake. We were told that we will get a phone call to let us know if we were laid off. Now i am terrified of answering the phone and terrified what words will be said to me.
I have to face the music. I have been happily stuck in this fairytale for so long, living the dream. I have, what I would call, a dream role with Disney. I feel like I get to walk into a fairytale every single day and perform a role in all the magic. To see the faces of these little girls and boys after they've been transformed into a princess and knight is pure happiness and belief in magic. Not only will I lose this magic, I will also lose my funding for school and my insurances. I was fortunate enough where Disney has been paying for my college courses. I was fortunate enough that I was being covered by Disney insurance. If this is the end for me, I will be losing a lot. I am sure every single cast member is feeling the exact same way. I won't be okay for awhile, and that's okay. It's okay I will feel lost and upset, because I will be losing a lot. I will have to find a new way to create some extra magic in my life and also figure out what to do with school.
What if I have already had my last day being a Fairy Godmother in Training? I wanted to graduate from Fairy school on my own terms. If I knew it was my last day as a fairy, I would have saw Fairy Godmother in the magic mirror one last time, hugged every single fairy one last time, sang all the princess songs one last time, danced like no one was watching, and I would've taken extra time to thank everyone for filling my days with laughter and magic while being at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. I didn't only find a role for myself at the boutique, I found a family. I just feel like our time isn't up. I am not ready. I have so much more magic to offer. I want to be so many kids Fairy Godmother in Training. I feel like this can't be over, but is it?
I know Mickey always says, "See you real soon," but what if this is goodbye? There are so many things I did for the last time. I wish somehow I knew that months ago, I should've taken the time to cherish the last days I was at the boutique as a Disney cast member and a Fairy Godmother in Training. I feel so much regret, but at the same time, I can't blame myself. I can't be upset with myself for not cherishing the last days at work, because how would I have known?
I am writing this all out for myself to get it off my chest, but now I am sitting here crying pixie dust (sparkles). I am just not ready to let go of the magic. No matter what happens, I will always believe in the magic. I am so thankful for the magic being a Disney Cast member has brought into my life. The people, the experiences, the magic, the friends, the love, the leaders, the FAMILY we created.
At the end of the day, I know I created magic. I created a whole lot of magic along side every other cast member. If this is goodbye, I am happy with everything I did during my days. If that day in March was my last day as a fairy godmother, I would say my job was complete. I created the magic. But Mickey, if you want me to create more magic, I have so much more magic left to offer.
Hoping for light at the end of the tunnel,
XOXO Fairy Godmother in Training Courtney